Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man??

If you are not single right now, get down and thank God for saving you from the confusion of dating.  It is so confusing these days: who texts who first? Am I calling too much? Maybe I'm being too nice to her. Let me start giving him a hard time. Men LOVE that! After being around my girls for so long, I can't tell you how many times I have heard, "I'm about to start treating men the same way they treat me." I'm guilty of saying this at least once a month. I'm sorry, but it's true. Maybe it's a woman thing. We do tend to mature faster than men do, and I noticed men and women are on two different levels. Men love the excitement of a chase. Women (at least some women) don't like to play games. Men like a woman to keep him guessing. Women are more straight forward with what they want. How can we communicate at all??
Here's where Steve Harvey comes in: he released a book in January 2009 called Act Like a Lady, Think Like A Man, which is being released in theatres this month. If you haven't read it, it's about the games some men play, and how to counteract those games. From men, all I hear is "dang he just airing us all out. Breaking the man code!" That's neither here nor there. The question is: is there any truth to the statement? We already know that for whatever reason, men love abuse. And by abuse I mean the nice girl doesn't cut it. Sure, you can be nice to a man, let him know how much he means to you, and how much you care, but chances are you will find yourself dissed. Trust me, I've done the leg work.The book implies that a woman has to let a man know from the jump what she will and won't tolerate to "bring him up to her level". At least that is my synopsis.
While I do think the examples in this book was a little extreme, and that Steve Harvey has NO IDEA what he is talking about, he does have a point somewhat. I noticed that when a former friend of mine treated men in a disposable manner or like they were on her time, they loved it. Chased her all around Robin Hood's barn, and when she dropped them like a bad habit, they take it out on the entire female population. However, when a woman makes herself available and shows her genuine interest, I notice men either hurt her, or keep her around but play on the side with other women. Maybe it's me, but I thought men wanted good women? Whatever the case, women are getting tired. Tired of being mistreated, compared, and having to fight for a position they were already given, and are hitting men with a dose of their own medicine. And men can't handle it. For whatever reason, it is okay for men to play the games, but when a woman gets hip to it and plays the game back, we are every word in the dictionary but the name our mama gave us. So where is the middle ground? Nice girls finish last, and smart ones finish second. Chime in. Should women be acting like a lady and thinking as men, or is that confusing things further? -NaturallyNikki

"I Like Them, But They Got Kids"

We've all been there before. You're in the mall and spot someone you think is attractive. So you size them up and try to gather some clues before approaching them. Nice hair, dressed nice, cute, and when you're about to approach, a little person runs in their direction, and you're stuck. Yup, they have kids. I'd be lying if I said this moment doesn't happen to me ALL the time. (Probably why im still single)
Moving on, a few years ago I had just met someone and we were going through the Getting to Know Phase. You know, phone calls, text messages, "what's your favorite color? No, you hang up", phase. So as we're getting to know each other I'm going down my checklist. Has a job? Cool. In college? That's a plus. Goes to church? I like that. And....he has a child. UGH. Now I can't lie, in my younger days, this was a deal breaker. I'd been there, done that, and didn't ever want to do it again. I was ready to run for the door like I always do when my sister said "Nikki, you're getting older. The older you get, the harder its going to be to find a man without children, and you could end up missing out on something special all because of that one issue." I heard her, but my mentality was if I could manage to stay without kids this long, then there had to be men somewhere who also stayed without children. But, she was right. It is VERY rare for both men and women to not have children already coming into a relationship. So, what now? I've dated three men in my past who had children, and it was nothing short of a disaster. The first relationship I got so close to his daughter, when we broke up I took it twice as hard. The last two men I dated with children never had time for me because it was always something coming up. They couldn't find a babysitter, their child was sick, and if I came over their place to spend time, it was a constant battle for attention. Then comes the baby mama/baby daddy drama, which is enough to bring the most sophisticated person down to their lowest level. So, needless to say, these experiences have left a bitter taste in my mouth. On one side, I should be happy the man is standing up and taking care of his children, but at the same time, I can't understand what he is going through as a parent because I've made it a point not to have children for the reasons stated above. Is dating a man or a woman with a child settling? Or is that the norm these days, and are these expectations unrealistic? I've come to the conclusion that while I do prefer a man without children, a man having a child cannot be a reason for me to run. I have to get to know him, and make a decision from there, even if I have my personal feelings about dating a man with children because of my past experiences. But he'd have to be something special. Men, I haven't forgotten you. I have a few male friends who always say there are no women without children. I see why the feel that way, because there ARE a lot of women with children as well. So, what do you do when you are interested in someone who has a child? Will you look past that issue if you like the person enough, or not even bother? Have you had any good/bad experiences with dating someone with children?? Has that swayed your choice to date someone of the opposite sex with children in the future? -NaturallyNikki