You're A Side Chick, KNOW YOUR ROLE!!

This post was inspired by the last episode of Love & Hip Hop. If you saw it, I'm sure the same thing became just as clear to you as it did to me. Yandy seemed to be a LITTLE bit too emotional over how Jim was spending his money on his fiance Chrissy, which led me to believe that she messed around with him at one point in time and caught feelings when Jimmy's love for Chrissy became more and more obvious to her. My question is, why get upset? If they were indeed sleeping together, Jim seems like the kind of guy to put his cards on the table from the jump. In every day life, why does this seem to be the occurrence? First off, the fact that a man is spoken for automatically means he is off limits. I don't care if he's "only" in a relationship, or married and miserable, separated, etc. He's still OFF LIMITS until his status is single. Ladies, we need to ask ourselves what it is that makes us seem its okay to pursue a man who is involved (not me personally, but you get it). A man who cheats on his woman with you is not deserving of you or his significant others' time. Remember this: if he cheats with you, he will cheat ON you! A leopard doesn't change his spots. He may be able to hide them for a while, but they will eventually show. Now, I'm aware of this supposed "black man shortage", but to me that just means you need to expand your horizons. Date other races, date the man you would usually overlook. There are too many men and too many risks to be okay with sharing a man. Along with that, being with a man who is already involved says a lot about you, your morals, and your own lack of self esteem and self respect. But if the side piece is something you must do for whatever reason, please play your position. Don't get caught up and start catching feelings because you are a SIDE CHICK. I'll break down those rules later. I was in a situation where my boyfriend was cheating on me with another woman (I use that term very loosely) and not only was she not being discreet by posting his initials all over her facebook page, but she was calling and texting my phone, harassing me at my job, just acting all strung out. So what did I do, you ask? I took off my earrings and went in! KIDDING. I let her have him. There is no better revenge than to let him go. Because eventually she will learn all that I had to put up with in our relationship. Because why? If he cheats on me, he will cheat on her. It's as simple as that. Why do women feel its okay to be sneaking around with someone elses' man? Is it the thrill of not being caught? Maybe the feeling that they have someone elses' man because  "she isn't doing her job at home". Or the benefits on having a so called "relationship" without the drama of actually being in one. Whatever the reason is, newsflash: IT'S WRONG! I'm a firm believer in what goes around, comes around, and it comes around twice as hard. So enjoy the peace while it lasts with your "man" because it will be very short lived.
Now gentleman, why do you find the need to have a woman on the side? If you aren't happy, wouldn't it be better for everyone involved to just walk away from the relationship? What are you keeping the woman around for if you are miserable enough to go outside of the relationship for a distraction? I think I already know the answer to this question: even though your girl isn't making you happy, you know she's a catch, and don't want to see her doing better by herself, or with someone else. Or you don't know what you want to do, so why not keep her hanging until you make a decision. What she doesn't know won't her, but when she finds out, it WILL hurt you, and possibly a few of your possessions, if she has a Waiting to Exhale moment. Honesty is always the best way to go. No hurt feelings, no damaged property (lol) and no investigations. Yes, men, we do investigate. You may not know this, because we're just that smooth, but it happens.
For those of you women who insist on being a man's number two (because that is what your are. I'm sorry. Someone had to say it.) here are the rules YOU need to follow:

1. Don't be one! That's pretty self explanatory, don't you think? Moving on.

2. Play your position. Don't think because he's boning you on the regular that you have girlfriend privileges. Your privileges run out when he showers and leaves.

3. Don't expose all to the girlfriend because you're feeling salty! I cannot reiterate this enough! You know the deal from day one, and if you caught feelings that's something you have to deal with on your own. Don't try to ruin her life because you broke one of the rules and thought you were going to be wifey soon. You will NOT be wifey. Why would a man gamble on being serious with a woman who gave it up knowing he was involved? I rest my case.

4. Don't post pictures with you and the cheater--I mean man--for everyone to see. It makes you look dumb, because everyone knows who the real deal is, and it may end up causing you some harm if she see's it.

5. Remember holidays, birthdays etc. are reserved for girlfriends, not you. If you want someone to spend holidays with, go and get your own. In the rare instance that you don't know you are the side chick, I have a little something for you from Tionna Smalls "Girl, Get Your Mind Right!" Now this isn't for side chicks, but I guess you all need help to. On a holiday (Christmas/Thanksgiving etc.), tell your "man" you want him to spend the holiday with you and your family. Don't give him any specific time. Now wait and see if he shows up, has an excuse, or comes by late or early so he can leave early. That means he either spent the day with his real lady, or is coming early so he can spend the time where he belongs.

To close, who really wants to have to go through all of this? All the effort you have to put in sneaking around, you can put towards finding a man who appreciates your value and you won't have to be his little secret. Think on that next time you want to call him but can't, or are sneaking out after a late night creep. -NaturallyNikki